I had no idea I felt that way!

    I discovered a rather surprising instinct the other day. I really, REALLY want to feed my child. It's not something I had ever really thought about. Our kids are hungry, we feed them. It's a matter of filling a need, I suppose. But perhaps there is an inner drive, an unconscious desire to nourish our children.
   Teegan can't eat by mouth. He can't control where the food goes. Sometimes it makes it to his tummy, but sometimes it goes in his lungs. So he has to be fed by a tube that goes directly into his little belly. Once in a while I give him a taste of soft foods. Yogurt, pudding, stuff like that. Well I decided to get him a jar of baby food. I wanted to expand the tastes he was getting. I sat down with the jar and a spoon and gave him a taste. I was blown away by this overwhelming desire to actually feed him. I wanted so badly to put a full bite on the spoon and give it to him. It was so strong that I had to put the jar away.
    I'm so amazed at this new found feeling. I wonder how many moms like me there are that have felt the same way. Why didn't I feel that way all the times before, when I gave him a taste of something I was eating? Is it because the food was solely for him this time? He gets the nutrition that he needs, so why do I feel like something is lacking. I guess feeding a child is so natural. I think we instinctively want to feed our children. On a cellular, primal level we NEED to feed them. I had never considered that. And before I sat down with that jar of apples I hadn't realized that I was missing that. I didn't know that I deeply needed to feed him.
   Of all the things that are "missing" from raising a child with developmental delays I hadn't realized that feeding from a spoon was one of them. I long to see him sit up, take a step, say "mommy", and the list goes on. Now I can add "eat from a spoon" to that list. In a way it's good though. Being able to eat is probably one of the more attainable goals for him. He's able to do it, just not consistent enough. As he grows and strengthens he could become more consistent at swallowing. Here's hoping. The list is growing longer. It would be great to cross something off.